You're a Mommy

When you first told me you were pregnant, I remember being in disbelief. This had happened before. Somehow you "knew you were pregnant" six days after having sex, that one time back when you were seventeen. Thank goodness you were being insane, because that would have been tragic. And then there was that other time when you said you were pregnant, and thought it was twins...also a falsehood. So when you told me this time, I had to question. But after getting the ultrasound pictures, and seeing your name at the top, I knew this one was for real.

I knew it would happen eventually. I mean, I'm not stupid, and you definitely weren't a virgin anymore. But still, I had hoped that life would give you more chances to be in a better situation for yourself, before you brought another life into this crazy world. (And then you delivered during a pandemic, which was even crazier than normal!) As I've learned with everything else in my life, I'm only in control of my own actions and thoughts, and the rest is completely out of my hands. 

Most girls your age (or younger) think they're "grown", and want to make all sorts of decisions about their bodies, and their futures, without considering anyone but themselves. As I've preached a million times, every decision we make effects at least one other person. And so I hope you are learning, that your decision to have a baby, with no high school diploma, no job, no license, and living off the government, effects many people, in and outside your life.

I wish I could say everything will work out, but I have no way of knowing if it will, or not. I wish I could say that your daughter will have a better life than you did, but I have no way of knowing that either. I don't know if you're going to be a good mom, or if you'll be able to give her a good home. I don't know if she will have the life she deserves, or if you will be the parent she deserves. I have no way of knowing any of that. I wish love were enough to raise a child, but it's not. 

I have tried to work through all the fear and anxiety of you being pregnant, and having a baby, as well as what my involvement should be in helping you. You clearly need it, and can't survive without the help...and neither can your daughter. She is my main concern now. Making sure she has her needs met is the thing that drives me the most in helping you. I just wonder if it will be enough...or too much, and when to say "yes" or "no". 

Between your Facebook mom's group and Google, you think you have everything you need to make healthy and informed decisions, but your forego the wise counsel or moms who have lived it, within your own family, and doctors who are available for your questions. You are still a child in so many ways, and still need assistance and guidance in everything that needs to be done in life. From cleaning, to organizing, to making decisions, and making sure you are taking care of yourself and the baby, it's a constant struggle to make sure you are taking care of her life, not just her body. 

I know you love her, and that gives me at least some reassurance. I pray that wisdom comes to you, and that her life is spared from the craziness and drama that seems to follow you. I pray for healing for both of you, and a life of happiness and peace. Until then, I hope I get to stay involved in your lives, and see her grow up to be a strong and healthy little girl! It's still hard to believe you're a mom, but here we are, and here she is. So beautiful. So strong. I love her to pieces, and you too.

Love,

Me